August 3

August 3.
Today is August 3.
It is 12:25 am and I know I need to go to  bed. I have been off for a few days and have to go to work tomorrow. Thankful I have a job to go to. I would like to be a better writer. I know it takes many hours of writing. What should I write about? memories? my cat? my future? my dreams? When I think about writing I come up with a question I want answered. Such as, why does it feel like everything around me isn't real? It is such an odd feeling. I sit outside and I watch the leaves blow in the trees and the color of the sky and I think how beautiful it looks. Who am I to sit and be apart of this world? What is my place in it? The other day I was thinking how nice it would be to just enjoy life without always feeling like I have a major decision to make. Just to be able to relax and enjoy the trees. Is it security? At times I grow tired of life, the constant feeling of being a failure. I realize that my thoughts and feelings are a result of my depression. Well, good night.

May 18, 2014

Hello, it has been awhile.
 My life is in total chaos!
 Well, not really. Just my house.
I am 53 years old and I am still trying to find myself. Ugh. What a waste.


I hope I can reveal a little of who I am. What I want to be when I grow up.
And the fun projects I am working on along the way.


For today I will tell you about Two Socks. Two Socks is a blue point Siamese cat.
I have agreed to take care of Two Socks until his owner is out of the hospital.
I think I may be taking care of Two Socks for a long time.
He is a beautiful cat. Very affection and ruining my carpet.
He is the most affection cat I have ever met. So affection I can't seem to get anything done!
He walks on whatever he wants. Talks to me a lot. And purrs so loud. He has licked my face a couple of times, which I find so endearing.


Will I miss him when he goes away? Yes, but not as much as I miss my dear sweet Brinkley, my pug.

New Day

It is a new day and my life lays ahead of me. I am seeing and feeling the possibilities that lie ahead. I read so many blogs that are creative and inspire me. Makes me wonder if I have it in me to blog about a creative life. Creative empowered living...that is my personal purpose. I am looking forward to find ways to record some of my ideas of creativity and color that surround me.

May 7

Today is Saturday. I have been on vacation for one week. One day left and then back to work. I spent the bulk of the week at a retreat in Healdsburg sewing with 46 other quilters. It was a great time. Just what my soul and mind needed. How do I make that peaceful feeling a daily occurance instead of a yearly occurance? I have a few ideas. Now to get them out of my head and into action.

There are many things that invade my mind and make me wonder what my role is in this life. So many things have been taken away that are meaningful and I have filled those holes with things that are meaningless. I have been thinking the last few days of selling all my possessions and giving my life to God to serve him in a mission position. If all is gone what else can me taken?

I find myself wanting to be silent and waiting for God to answer my questions. The problem is that in the I know longer know how to pray to God. No, that isn't right. It feels like I don't know how to ask God for help. He seems to be so silent. And everywhere I turn there is a new issue facing me that leaves me feeling scared and alone.

I try to write to get the thoughts out of this head of mine. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I know that I am a mom. But? Alone. Here. Scared.

Valentine's Day

Today is February 14, Valentine's Day. It was a good day at work. Too many sweets. Lots of laughs. And very productive work wise. But tonight I sat on the couch and watched two episodes of House. All okay. Not feeling the love thing these days. Need to lose some weight. A few of us at work have decided to lose some weight. I need to lose at least 100 pounds, but I am going to start with five. And when I lose the five, I will move on to the next five. For me it is a life and death situation. And a desire to be more attractive. My blood pressure is too high and yet I continue to each sausage mcmuffins. So tomorrow is it. Fruit and celery sticks. Chicken and water. And a lot of prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

My Blog

It seems as if only one person reads my blog. And this anonymous person is very opinionated. Her opinion is annoying and not at all appreciated. So upon much thought I have decided to end this blog. Just because one decides to move doesn't mean one is running away. It means California is too expensive to live. And maybe I like to have sex with my Secret Admirer or to fall in love at the drop of a hat. Maybe I am not afraid do live life. So anonymous why don't you get a life. And reveal yourself so that I can put a face to such a highly opinionated person.

New Direction

I think it is time to take a new direction in my life. Focus on my job and creativity and moving to Seattle to be near my daughter. When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

Holiday

Tomorrow is a holiday. No Work! I hope I can make a dent in the housework that needs to be done. And I have two projects that need to be started and one that needs to be finished-a baby quilt for Lauren's friend. I have been trying to think of ways I can make a living that gives me the ability to be more creative.

I have some thoughts but they are just thoughts. Writing? Making quilts to sell? Just a couple of ideas. Now I will go to bed since it is 1:30 a.m. I just finished watching Coco Chanel. Such a good movie. She is an inspiration. So beautiful.