I can't believe that it has been 2 months since I have posted anything. A lot has happened and not so much. Work, work, work, always work. Work at home, work at the office. Work just lying in bed trying not to think too much. I have been to Pacific Grove and to Dallas. I have started to clean my house. It is like walking through mud, the work I do at home. When I am out I feel good and happy. But sometimes when I come home it feels like all that is wrong with me surrounds me. That sounds so awful. Because I do like being home. I am such a home body.
But a change has taken place in my heart and mind the last week or so. I have figured out what I enjoy and when I am somewhere with someone else I can just think about how much better it would be if I were with the other. And all the seeking and searching has finally stopped. I am free again to focus on my life. My family. My school. My job. And... yes, my home.
I have picked up my needle and thread and once again am sewing. I can't explain how much sewing relaxes me and gives me peace. I have once again opened my Bible and am beginning to study. I regret some of the choices I have made. I feel like I have black marks on my record that once weren't there.
Time for bed. My eyes are closing as I sit here. I feel like I am one breath away from crying. But that is going to be the case until I push through to the otherside.
