Friday

I have discovered that Fridays are the hardest day for me now that I am single and my kids are away. Being alone with no prospects for a connection with someone. Tonight I went to bring my trash cans in and listened to my neighbor having fun with her guests. She is having a party tonight and everyone is all dressed up and laughing. It doesn't bother me that I am not there, what was going through my mind was a memory of my old house. The fog coming up over the hill, the moon reflecting in the pool, the wind that was so common in our neighborhood. Most of my neighbors I rarely saw, unless you call the deer that invaded my yard a neighbor.

This is when it is hard, when the sadness seeps into my soul. I can feel it behind my eyes and I get tired. It takes a lot of effort to fight the tiredness.

I try to remember that most Friday nights even as a married woman I was alone. My husband either fell asleep on the couch around 6:30 or had other things to do. He got to the point where he would even fall asleep if we went to the movies with friends. The loneliness as a married woman was harder than the loneliness I feel now. The sadness was even evident then. Do I dare even consider marriage as an option again?