One step forward, that is my goal. Each day I try to take one step towards my future and away from my past. Unfortunately my memories step forward with me. I sometimes wish I could forget everything. My old life was so different than the life I am living now. But I don't want to forget what my little girl looked like when she was five, or the day she was born. I don't want to forget how my son use to run everywhere. He didn't know the meaning of slow down. I don't want to forget how they prayed with me before going to bed. Or the different emotions they went through in any one day. It is hard work trying to remember. Trying to remember exactly what it felt like to hold my newborn baby in my arms.
It is harder work trying to forget. Thoughts automaticly pop into your head because they have been there for so long. Just because someone walks away and closes the door behind them doesn't mean you automaticly stop thinking about them. This whole thing has driven me just a tad bit crazy.
I pray for a break in the insanity. I believe God has something else in store for me. I just can't imagine it ever being anything as meaningful as I have gone through, but I trust and I wait and I listen.
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